Okay, people say He doesn’t throw more at you than He believes you are strong enough to handle, but what if I don’t want to be the strong one today? I greatly appreciate the compliment, but can I have the day off? Last Thanksgiving was the 17 year mark since I re-entered the workforce, became a single mom, and things certainly haven’t gotten any easier. This state is an “at will” work state. That means no matter how good or hard you work for someone, they can let you go at any time, without reason or notice. No matter how much you’ve been “promoted”, no matter how successfully you performed, you’ve still got no guarantee of employment. I am not the only one that feels “loyalty” is truly hard to find these days. Sadly, this holds true in more ways than just the workplace.
I have started over so many times, it’s crazy. Yep, I’m doing it again, but I want this to be the last time. I don’t want to work for people like that anymore. I want to invest in myself. The best way I can to this is to sell my home and pursue myself. This would give me the financial choice to do what I love and focus on me, finally. It’s frightening, yes. It’s uncertain, yes. But with the proper attitude, it’s also possible. I don’t mind taking the risk. I think it will be a wonderful journey, a fresh beginning, even at the ripe age of 59 years. The thought of it excites me, to be honest. Not sure where I’ll end up, but I know I have a multitude of choices ahead of me.
I am an artist. I thank my father for that, for he was the best one I’ve ever known. Hell, even his handwriting was incredibly artistic. We shared the “eye”, we shared the “ear” and he always encouraged me, challenged me. Art and music run deep within my family. I grew up with both being strong influences in my life. I love creating beauty and music runs through my veins. I do both, simultaneously whenever possible. I imagine myself doing this for the rest of my life. That is, when I let go of my homestead of the past 30 years.
I want to hit the road without a plan. I want to explore before I decide where the next place will be that I’ll hang my hat. One thing that is certain, it’ll all be up to me to decide. I will not be stabbed in the back, kicked in the teeth or cut. I will be loyal to myself. I will do what’s best for me. I will survive. It’s been a very long time since I’ve focused on myself and this is just what I must do at this point in my life. My home state and my government don’t give a crap about me. I do. I know I wasn’t born to work my ass off, pay bills and die. There’s something much greater out there and I’m sure as hell ready to find it.
I want exactly what I have now, but on a much smaller scale. I want to grow my herbs, do my organic gardening and create the beautiful things I put my heart and soul in to. I want to make all those I cross paths with aware of the wonderment of life. I want to live more simply, less stressfully and be more at peace. I want to wake every day knowing that I’m in control of my life’s everything, no longer feeling reliant on anyone else for that sense of “security” that we all strive for. I want to embrace my freedoms.
I absolutely adore living here. This is my sanity sanctuary. I’ve put 30 years of my back and passion into this place. Of all the places I’ve lived, this is certainly my favorite. It’s so peaceful here, it’s so full of love and this is where I’ve raised two fabulous kids, among others. It’s too big, far more than I need now. I don’t need all this much house or all this much land. It’s time for me to down-size and focus on the rest of my life. I want to let someone else enjoy all that I have, for so many years. This is a fabulous place to raise a family, but I’ve done that. So now it’s time to let go and get going. It’s overwhelming in the thought, but exciting at the same time. I’m truly looking forward to the day I will do this because I know it will give me the opportunity to invest in me. I’ve been working since I was twelve and now I want the work I do to provide more. It’s time to get real and a little selfish. I’m tired of being nickel-and-dimed to death at every turn. There’s a huge world out there, I’ve explored this country from coast-to-coast and I want to return to some of those places again. I also want to visit places I missed along those journeys. Yep, I’m at the point in my life where I want, and need to create, a new hat rack.